F* you, I'm sick

I'm actually very sick of people don't paying attention to our desease and depression, anxiety and deseases like those. I'm feeling soooo tired. physically and psychologically. I'm so tired of having to pretend everything is ok. Why it's me that have to pretend? 

I'm so sick of people telling me to be happy, that I everything to be a happy girl. Man fuck you. I can't control myself, what part you don't understand?

THIS IS A FUCKING DESEASE, IF I HAVE CANCER YOU WOULD TELL ME TO FORGET AND JUST BE HAPPY? Comon guys!!

I'm ashamed of this and I shouldn't be!! I don't even know how to tell people. Like, "I guys, I'm crazy" "This is not a depression, itt's forever and ever, and don't have a cure". But people don't even care. They care more about their stuff, their stupid shit. 

People who I told don't even care to do their research to help me. 

Sometimes I just wanna yell with everybody and say "Fuck you, I'm sick, that's why sometimes I'm a bad person, what's your excuse ?"

If you think what I'm going trough, darling, YOU DON'T.

I tried to kill myself a couple weeks ago, and only 1 person help me. And I think even that person is already tired of me.

But a litlle update, after that day I didn't cut myself and I'm like "sober" from self harm 2 weeks from now, so YEYY.

Demi Lovato | Her fight and how she represents us so well, unfortunately

This is the first story I chose to post on the blog. How Demi Lovato's history can help us to not feel alone.

Unfortunately, Demi is in the hospital right now because of her mental illness. I don't fucking care if it was na overdose or a suicidal attempt or wtv. For me it doesn't matter, because if she is in this bad place of her life it's because of her mental disease.

In her way it was drugs, alcohol, self harm, no eating, or eating to much etc. For me it is pills, no eating at all, self harm and I tried alcohol too, I have to be honest.
Every single one of us have our ways to deal with the mental diseases. And not even a single one has to be judged. NONE.

I know what it's like to feel so broken and lonely even if I'm surrounded by a hundred people.  I know how it's feel to be ignored and abandoned even if I have people to help me. It's never enough.
There are traumas that nothing or nobody can heal.
I'm not a Lovatic, but I love Demi, because I feel she represents everything that I wanna be. STRONG, A FIGHTER, A WARRIOR.

Our diseases are different, but I feel very close to her. I think (not sure) she is bipolar and because of it she develop addictions like drugs and stuff, the food disorder. Those stuff are consequences of Bipolar Disorder, she didn't wanted anything of those things. And even when she gets help, it's NEVER ENOUGH. AND I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I'M SCREAMING FOR HELP EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE SINCE I FELT THIS, and no one does anything.

Demi asked for help too. The new song of hers, "Sober" it was her request for help.

Last week I was in the hospital emergency and I told the psychiatrist I was cutting myself and drinking and thinking of killing me and he only gave me a valium, despatched me and sent me home all by myself. I drove by myself for a shopping centre, bought stuff and then went home and I only had flashbacks. That were extremely dangerous and he let me drove alone and just sent me away.
When I got home I just fell asleep the rest of the day, but you know what happened the next day? I opened a huge hole in my leg, because I was so angry about his attitude with me, so angry about everything, I just wanted to diseapear. Didn't want to die, but I'm starting to feel I'm just out of options anymore.

Feel free to talk to me and comment. I appreciate that!! 

XOXO, Cris